This cannot be normal

Its true that life is no bed of roses. Infact id go as far as to describe life as a bed of thorns. Melissa's behaviour has become worse over time and it is now unbearable. She will not do as she is told. She screams in your face. She is violent towards herself, her brother and even me. I am now in my 18th week of pregnancy with my 3rd and cannot handle her behaviour anymore. Doctors etc used to blame it on terrible 2s, then they blamed it on typical 3 year old behaviour but i just wasn't buying it. A parent just knows when something is not right with their child. Well i am a stubborn cow and i refuse to give in. We have now moved 223 miles and i am pleased to say that although my new gp surgery aren't much help, my health visitor and the head SENCO at Melissa's nursery are listening and taking me seriously. We have only been living here for 5 months and have already had physio referrals, occupational therapy referrals, speech and language therapy referrals, paediatric referrals and i am just waiting on a geneticist referral for Melissa as she has the same chromosome defect as me. So it appears we are finally on the right road to getting the help we have been longing for.

What is wrong with Melissa?

I haven't added to this blog for a long time as i have had alot going on in my life. My grandad died, my eldest sister became a widow at the age of just 27, my nan has been in and out of hospital like a yoyo, my uncle had a heart attack. The list is endless. Whilst all this was going on, my daughters behaviour was gradually becoming worse. (I originally thought it was just the terrible 2s). She screams and kicks and thumps her bedroom door when we put her to bed at night. She tenses her entire body and screams when we try to put her in her buggy to go out. She has become violent and quite often when i call her name, its almost as if she is deaf. She doesn't hear a word i say. (Her hearing is actually perfect). We have spoken about it to Melissa's speech and language therapist and to the GP, both of whome are completely useless and must think im a paranoid idiot as all they keep saying is ''She is fine, there is nothing wrong with her''. My answer is always the same. ''How could you possibly make that judgement when you do not live with her?'' It is almost as if they feel that because i am only in my 20s, i do not know anything. This attitude really annoys me. Melissa's speech and language therapist has sinse admitted that she has seen signs of autism in Melissa. We are now being referred to a child support worker from the childrens centre who will come out to our home each week to help us deal with Melissa's behaviour. They do not want to refer her to be tested for autism untill she is atleast 3 because the chances are, she will not get a diagnosis this early which will make it harder to get a diagnosis later on if it is discovered that there is a problem with her. I would love for there to be nothing wrong with Melissa, but i cannot ignore my gut feelings.

My life so far

My life so far has been full of ups and downs. Good times and bad times. Its a terrible shame that the bad times greatly outweigh the good. But i am a strong believer that everything in life, be it good or bad, happens for a reason. My life may not have gone the way i would have liked it to, but it's because of the way my life went, that i am the person i am today. I just read a blog entry by my cousin Carol. It talks about following your dreams. This got me thinking. It has always been my dream to sing. From a really young age, all i have ever dreamt about  is singing on stage infront of thousends of people. I am so passionate about my singing that i have performed at the Cramphorn Theatre, done a gig with my cousin Dave and his friend Dean, done the BTECH 1st Diploma in Performing Arts at college and even auditioned twice for the X-Factor. My parents have always known how much i love to sing. I used to tell them all the time that i wanted to be a singer when i grew up. Mum and Dad always used to laugh it off telling me not to be so stupid, i would never make it because i cant sing. This is quite funny really when they have never actually heard me sing. My nan came to see me on stage at the Cramphorn theatre. It was a dance show (something else i quite enjoy doing) and i got to sing at the end of it. I did a song called Dreaming of You by a Mexican American singer called Selena (Selena Quintenilla Perez). My nan came over to me after the show and said ''before today i honestly didn't think you could sing, but you have just proven me wrong. I'm proud of you''. I couldn't believe it. No one had ever told me they were proud of me. I was 16 at the time. It made my day. I would love to be given the opportunity to sing infront of a large crowd again. Although i seriously doubt i will. If i did, i think i would die and go to heaven. Especially if i got to sing with Amy Lee (Evanescence).

Settling into motherhood part 2

We left the hospital early afternoon the day after Jaydon was born. Life was certainly going to be different now that i had 2 children to look after. But i was more than prepared for the challenge. We arrived back home and i announced the birth of my son on Facebook. Once i had done this, i sent Val a text message to say that we were home and she could bring Melissa back when she was ready. Less than an hour later, my beautiful daughter was home. As soon as Tony opened the door to her, Melissa started sobbing. She had really missed us. According to Val, Melissa had been very quiet at hers, refusing to move from the spot on the sofa where she had been placed. My daughter was pining for me. It broke my heart to hear this. It broke my heart even more to see the look on my daughters face when she saw me again. She looked really sad and withdrawn. Tony and Myself took it in turns to cuddle her. Obviously this was more difficult considering we now had a newborn to look after aswell, but we managed to look after Jaydon and comfort Melissa. That night was difficult. She had to sleep in with Me and Tony as she was extremely irritable. Melissa didn't take to her brother straight away. Instead she would scream at him. However, it did not take long. The following day she became intrigued by him and was constantly kissing him. We had a couple more frights with Jaydon after we got home from the hospital. First, Jaydon went blue around the lips again (but again, was ok once i gently shook his shoulder and gave him a dummy), and second, i went to feed him and he wouldn't move. Turned out he was just in a deep sleep. We took him upto the Post Natal Ward to be checked over anyway. All his vitals were fine. We were allowed to take him home. When Jaydon was 5 days old, we had another midwife visit. She informed us that Jaydon's platelet count was normal and therefore it is highly unlikely that he has Haemophilia. Phew.

Meeting Baby Number 2

I got to 39 weeks and 3 days into the pregnancy and it was time to be induced. The day of the induction, Melissa was picked up by My cousins stepdaughter Emily and was taken to my Cousin Val's. Me and Tony went upto the hospitals day assessment unit and i had a pessary fitted. This was fitted at 10:30am and by 4:30pm i was allowed to go home. We went home and enjoyed a peaceful evening infront of the telly with an indian takeaway. We went to bed that night, but early hours of the morning i was awoken with pains in my lower stomach and back. I tried to ignore it and get some sleep but the pains persisted. That morning after getting hardly any sleep, i phoned the day assessment unit and explained the pains to them. I was advised that i was in established labour and was to get myself upto the labour ward. Because of the fact i was on crutches, Tony decided to phone for an ambulance to take us up there. We arrived at the hospital (me already high on the gas and air. lol) and were taken straight to the labour ward. On the labour ward, it was decided i was no where near ready to deliver. I was still only 1cm dilated. This was going to be a very long day. I was moved onto the day assessment unit where i was given another pessary and was put on a monitor to check baby's heartbeat and my contractions. Throughout the course of the day i was allowed to go wandering and to use a birthing ball to try and get baby to move further down into my pelvis. As the day went on, my contractions grew stronger but were still only every 3-4minutes apart. By 7pm i was moved back onto the labour ward and at 7:30pm my waters were broken for me. As soon as my waters went, the contractions grew more intense immediately and were also alot more frequent. Every 30secs approx. I was in so much pain, there is no way i could have coped without the gas and air and the pethedine. By 10pm i was ready to push. Baby Jaydon was born at 10:15pm weighing 7lbs 4 oz. Blood was taken from his umbilical cord to test for Haemophilia. I was so exhausted, i had a nap. I woke about an hour later and went to have a look at my gorgeous son. I had the fright of my life when i noticed he was blue around the lips. I gently shook his shoulder and the poor little mite jumped out of his skin. I gave him a dummy and thankfully he was ok. But it really did shake me up seeing him like that. The following morning, the usual tests were done on Jaydon (hearing etc). Apparently he had alot of fluid in his left ear so an appointment was booked for the hearing test to be done at a later date at springfield green clinic. We were discharged later that day and went home. Finally i could see my little princess, my darling Melissa again. I missed her so much.

One Hectic 9 Months

3 months after Melissa's birthday, i discovered i was once again expecting. I had my suspicions as i had started feeling sick and my boobs were sore. lol. Tony and I were really pleased as we were trying for another baby anyway. We wanted a little brother or sister for Melissa. We agreed that we would love to have a boy so that we had 1 of each but also agreed that it didn't matter either way. We would be just as happy with another girl. Just after i discovered i was pregnant again, it was Tony's birthday. We didn't do anything unfortunately as money was a little tight at the time. A couple of weeks after Tony's Birthday, we moved once again to the house we are in now. The reason for our move was simple. The property we were in was in a shocking state. It is built on the back of a hairdressers and is only separated by some ply wood. Our only exit in case of fire was through the kitchen. We did not have a hallway or front door. Only a back door. The stairs were steep, narrow and spiral. The shower room (if you can even call it that) with toilet was attached to the living room. There were holes in the walls that if you looked through, you could see outside. Bugs and slugs were constantly getting in. There was a huge ants nest in the kitchen that we were practically at war with. Our living room was so tiny, you could barely breathe in there. There was no room to allow Melissa to play on the floor. This in itself made me feel terrible because i knew how important floor time is for a child, but i couldn't allow her to. It is because of all of this, that the councils environmental health enforcement team issued a prohibition order on the property, making it illegal (once we had moved) for the landlord to let the property out to anyone else. The new property is so much better, although i am not so keen on the area. But enough about housing issues. lol. Lets get back to the pregnancy. As with my last pregnancy, i had lots of hospital and midwife appointments. I found out at my 20 week scan that i was expecting a boy. In my heart i knew it was a boy anyway. Everything about this pregnancy felt different. I was even carrying differently. The only problem with having a boy is the fact that on my mums side of the family, there is a history of Haemophilia. Girls only carry the gene but do not have the condition itself. Boys on the other hand can suffer the condition. This means that when my son was born, the midwife who delivers him would have to take a sample of his blood from the umbilical cord for testing. I had a fairly tough time with this pregnancy. Blood tests, SPD, Heartburn, the usual. lol. Thankfully i did not suffer with low blood pressure this time though. I did however end up in the day assessment unit at Broomfield Hospital because of super pubic pain. I found sometimes it would be so bad, i couldn't even lift my legs to climb in or out of the bath. The pain was excruciating. I also had an oedema in my legs and feet apparently. lol. Thank goodness they were going to induce me.

Melissa's First Birthday

No sooner was the wedding over than it was time to start planning Melissa's first birthday. I had already decided that i would have a little party for her with a few family members. Nothing too big as she wouldn't be able to fully appreciate it anyway. lol. I bought her a waybuloo toy named De Li. Its this pink cat thing. lol. I got in a load of pink balloons and lots of party food and soft drinks. I had also made it perfectly clear when inviting family over that my sister Lisa's Husband Rory was not invited. Certainly not after the nuisance he caused at my wedding reception. There was no way i was going to have anybody ruin my little girls birthday. I told Lisa this and she was fine with it. She understood. Rory on the other hand was a little annoyed about it. But i couldn't care less how he felt. After all, this was not about him. It was about my little girl. The big day came, the balloons were all blown up and stuck to the walls with cellotape, party food was layed out. It looked really good. The only thing left was for the guests to arrive. They soon started arriving, the music was put on and everyone started getting into the party spirit. Melissa got loads of presents. She was truly spoilt. lol. Although, just like with Christmas, she was more interested in the wrapping paper. lol. Bless her. Everyone had a really good time. I did have to keep telling mum off though as she kept on trying to offer sugary foods to my nan who is diabetic. lol. But it was a really good day. I was a little dissappointed that Andrea couldn't come with her partner and 2 children as she was apparently ill. This meant that Melissa was the only child at her party. lol. But it didn't really matter too much. Lisa bought Melissa's birthday cake with a big number 1 candle to go on it. It was a Disney Princess cake and it was very tasty. Melissa thoroughly enjoyed eating some of her cake. I was actually a little sad when the day was over as we had all had so much fun. Especially seeing as there was no Rory to make a prat out of himself. lol.